"You answer my fears, wiping away all my tears, You comfort me and hold me, and I am at rest in You..."  (excerpt from Noel's song "I Cry Out") Here it is ...April.  It has been a year since the HUGE upset. I remember when Craig left the resignation letter on the pulpit, that Sunday, April 1st 2007. We said, "Will they think it is an April Fool's joke?"  It is amazing what a year of time can do... to bring closure to things that a heart never wanted to really let go of. Yet here we are singing in a new ministry, wanting to feel safe again. I've rehashed the story thousands of times in my mind.  I've poured over my old prayer journals for the year preceding the end of that ministry. How foolish was I back then in my walk, was it severly lacking?  I found out, Yes, I was really praying, I was really being impacted by verses in studying the Word. I was serving with all my might, pouring myself out because I loved God's people.  What happened? Did I get too attached? Did I "murmur in the tents" about the negatives? What about My husband? Was it his failure? We can think of things we should have done differently, but when I really think about each situation, I feel justified in how we handled it.  We pray the Lord will teach us. I think about writing a book to warn pastor's wives about the wolves that come in and look JUST sheep like...for a while. I'd say: "Trust the red flags! Don't try to convince your husband to molly coddle, in hopes the wolf will realize how much they are loved and will turn back into a sheep! Don't underestimate the effect the wolf will have on the flock, that he may be more appealing to them then their pastor! " I think the number one thing I would say to someone new in ministry, is... "There will be some you will love like family, but in the blink of an eye, they will decide to reject you. They will say it is a rejection of the ministry, but you will know it is you. They will be able to completely sever you out of their life without a bit of pain over the loss of relationship."   So, it's been a year. We have been hurt, homeless, and bent over with cries of bitterness. But, we have been completely safe in Christ Jesus. He has provided, comforted, and counseled us through His Word. We have by faith trusted His lead into another pastorate.  Looking back, I see His hand in it all. I did a painting to commemorate this last year, based on Psalm 63:8. "My soul followeth hard after (close behind) Thee: Thy right hand upholdeth me."  I don't want to forget what it was like to only have hope in HIM. I think in  another year, I'll be looking in the prayer journals from the last year not just to see if I had been foolish, but to see evidences of His Right Hand. "You comfort me and hold me and I am at rest in You..."

There is a line in a song by Jadon Lavik that says..."So explain to me why we fill up empty with empty and at the end of the day, We're confused by the longing."                              I am always trying to figure out what is that itch I just can't scratch. Why isn't this Carousel ride more thrilling? Why do I feel like I am missing out on something?                        I've been saved going on 15 years now, and I still look for "happy", even though I know full well what I am really longing for. Jesus in me.  He is so close, right here... and yet I chase after the temporary.  Until He reminds me.                                                                                                                                            After all these years, I am still blown away by how powerful it is to be aware of His presence. Everything I am longing for, is in heaven. But that overwhelming flood of love and assurance is right here, when I seek Him.   When I take that moment and worship Him, I feel like I am in heaven.                                      The Lord fills me up with His Word, when I know He hears me praying, and most often...He uses a song.  I am so affected by music. When I hear a song that speaks to me, I want to run and get my guitar and start singing and join in!  It's like this light has flipped on, and I think "This...is what I've been longing for!"                                                     I am praying that in 2008, the Lord will bless "Land of Harvest "with lots of places to plant seeds...to sing, praise, share, and shine into the darkness.

FATHER, LET THE MUSIC FLOW. LET IT BRING YOU GLORY. BY YOUR SPIRIT, LET IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN ME, IN MY FAMILY, AND IN THOSE YOU'D HAVE US SHARE IT WITH. IN JESUS NAME, AHMEN                                   2Cor. 4:6&7 " For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."          (ART WORK BY KIM MERRITT)

Thankful...

When life is just cruising along, we focus on the tasks at hand and are barely aware of what's really important. Often, it takes times of trial to cause us to take notice of our blessings.  Sometimes, we look back and see the blessing of the trial itself, and that gives us hope and peace about what ever comes next.

So, after this  absolutely crazy 2007, where I have known great heartache &  homelessness, I rejoice in it all, as I give thanks...                                      

Lord, Thank you...                                                                                                                  For severely pruning me, and the fruit that will result for Your glory. For clearly showing me how desperately wicked my heart is, and how it cannot be trusted. For teaching me to trust YOU, to keep my eyes on You when I can't see the road ahead. For showing me that You really do "own the cattle on a thousand hills", and when I pray, You provide.                                                                                                                                   For creating in me a deeper love and respect for my husband, as he has shared his gift of deep faith, with my wavering heart, in many nights of tears and prayers, and many days of fears and promise verses given. For the fact that he is a shepherd and I am to be one with him. That You are his Shepherd, and You will guide him safely.                                                  For my children, and their being just so wonderful and fun to be with everyday. For the way you bolstered their faith with amazing answers to prayer. For the work you are doing to heal their sad hearts, and to give them a safe home and a hope for the future.                                                              For my extended family, in opening their homes and hearts and purses to us, over and over. For their obvious battle of love in watching us falter as doors closed and seeing us leave them as distant strange doors opened.      For music that can be the very expression of what I long to say to You or about You. That I can share it with my musical family, and all those precious times that it has been our prayer and praise and has given us peace.                                                                                                                                                     For my new church family, so giving, and so understanding. For providing us with a home, and salary and benefits. For giving us the hope of once again, truly serving You Lord, by loving Your sheep.                                                                                                                                        For a house, this little cape cod that has given us a warm shelter and a place to call home. For the breathtaking autumn surrounded by woods out every window, and now the Ragged Mountains topped with snow.  For a place to do school with my boys, and a yard for them to run in, and giant boulders and trees to climb and build forts in.                                                                                                                                                 Lord, there is so much to thank you for, but most of all I thank you for saving me. For being that friend that sticks closer than a brother, for being so real to me at times that Your  presence is like my breath. I can't help but speak Your name Jesus, and close my eyes and let Your light shine on me. Thank You Lord for being in me, that as in the song, " I am never alone." Thank You for what ever You have planned and purposed for this sinner, I know You who have called me, will also do it through me.

"...And what is the exceeding greatness of His power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which he wrought in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead, and set Him  at His own right hand in the heavenly places..." Eph.1:19&20

 Another Kimblog...

I often wonder if other Christians feel as though they were made to do something in particular, but it just never really comes together. I'm not talking about being famous or getting rich, but the intense desire to use a gift for the Lord.  There is this real passion, to the point where they think about it, long to spend time doing it, and are saddened that God doesn't bless the attempts in it.  All the while watching others seem to really take hold of an idea or use a gift to do great things and be truly used.

In homeschool Bible time today, we were in Galatians 2, and discussing... "I have been crucified with Christ;  it is no longer I  who live,  but Christ lives in me;  and the life which I now live  in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (2:20 NKJV) We were talking about how our salvation is by faith in Christ alone... "by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves;  it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." (Eph. 2:8&9 NKJV) and how even our Christian growth is based on faith in Christ living in us.  We often try to do things to be more holy and spiritual,  and although they may be the right things, such as... praying, church going,  serving, and reading our Bibles, these Christian "Must Do's," can be done in the flesh.  We have all done it, prayed selfishly and half heartedly, or the usual one for me is to serve grudgingly.  Erin, (one of our teens) and I ended up having to ask Craig, (the preacher man in our family) "Just how do we know if we are doing the Christian stuff in the flesh, or by the Spirit?  How do we measure or test these things? "

Now, before I give his wise answer, I have to say that this idea and feeling  of passion and purpose, and my pain in it's apparently not being used of God, has really been on my mind alot. 

So... when my dear Mr. PreacherMan says, " Fruit."        

  I am not encouraged.         

 Okay, I can see that if my prayers are real, my bible reading is with an openness to be effected by the Holy Spirit, and my serving is as unto the Lord with joy and gladness... I will grow, and I will produce fruit, because Christ will be at work in and through me.  But what about that thing that calls to me? Why when I have prayed with tears, and worked with all my heart to do this thing for the Lord, and again...I feel so sure I am made just for this... there is no sign of fruit. (Infact, there is real lack of encouragement from beloved brothers and sisters in Christ.) 

I hope this blogging will help me to work out my thoughts, and give myself the counsel I would give another.  I have had Biblical counsel that at times was so strong, it cut to the heart, and yet the hurt was so...good.  Recently, when we were homeless and so insecure, I sought counsel from a Godly older couple who have been in ministry for about 50 years.  I wanted to know how to protect my heart from the "pastor's wife" hurts injected by the church, and also if we should follow our feelings about what church to take next. They really hit me hard with the scripture about our hearts being desperately wicked, and untrustworthy.  This is the opposite of what we are told all our lives in the world. " Watch out for #1 first!" "Follow your heart!"  I CAN'T TRUST ME. 

So, where does this leave my dreams?

I CAN TRUST GOD.

Father, You know I can't shake this desire to sing and play my guitar, to write music and paint illustrations of worship, for You.  Oh how often I have said that I will do it just for You though the world gives me no reason to continue.  But Lord, You know I want to produce fruit with these gifts.  I ask myself over and over if I am a people pleaser, if I just want the praise of man, to feel good about my work.  If thats the case Lord, break me of it.  Your Word is working on me Lord.  I hope my desires will become more about knowing You and believing You, and  growing by faith in Christ.  I may not amount to much, but if I could bring You glory, if I could make You my boast, then that will be worth it all.  Again, I lay down my dreams, and I decide to "Delight myself in the Lord and commit my way to You," as in Psalm 37, and trust that "He will give you the desires of your heart...bring it to pass..."  Whether You gave me these dreams, or if my wicked heart has conjured them up for selfish gain, I pray You will make it clear to me, O Father.

In Jesus, Ahmen.

"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..." Psalm 37:7

Hello Friends!

Welcome. We hope you are blessed and encouraged by our new blog site. Our goal is to keep this blog real, not sugar coated christianity, but the real hurts and lessons and triumphs and failures we experience as believers. We will share scripture, because there is nothing as worthy of putting in writing as His Word. There are potentially 5 of us in the family band that will work on this blog, so it will have different styles and emphasis as the Lord leads. May the Lord be glorified and the brethren edified!

Well... We have made it through another desert place, and are hoping we have entered a land of harvest. There is a song by "Third Day", that says "I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God..." that has reminded us our Shepherd has been leading us right through that valley of desert. In God's wisdom it is what it took to get us up here in the Ragged Mountains of New Hampshire.  

Our desert may be different than yours, some are suffering loss, health issues, addictions, or even painful relationships, but if your born again, He promises He will never leave you. We saw Him completely take care of us in providing daily bread, and giving verses to feed us and to mend our broken hearts. We had just come off a trying seven years of pastoral ministry. After a very painful batch of rejections by some sheep we loved most, we resigned from that ministry even though we had no where to go. We packed in a week, left the parsonage, packed our stuff in storage, and stayed with relatives.

We were taught to have a ministry lined up before leaving one, and so we did this wrong. Emotions and exhaustion can lead a person to act rashly, but in our times of greatest weakness, the Lord is faithful. "For He knoweth our frame, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:14.

So, we spent 6 months, pretty much homeless. The kids called us the "Hobo Pastor's Family." During this time we felt lost, we had no idea where to go. We felt fearful, we had no idea how to pay the bills. And we felt like failures. We cried, fought, searched scripture, sought counsel, prayed, and looked for cheap apartment to squeeze our family of six into. "Count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations (or various trials)."  James 1:2

In this desert of no home, income or even christian friends to cling to, we found Christ to be that Rock we could stand on. It was here in the worst of times we saw miracles. Doors open to live at a Christian camp in another state and serve there for the summer months, part time jobs landed to pay some bills, camp food and day old bread given to feed us, and various love gifts, some through Merritt Music Concerts. Even then we would often say, "Oh why did we ever leave that church, at least there we had a house, salary and friends." But then we would get that sick feeling of remembering why we left that slavery and abuse.

Our family will have stories to tell, and we will be able to proclaim what we have learned.  We know to stay alert for those tares among the wheat, and to cling to the shepherd so hard that we don't need to see the path to feel safe. Today, we are serving at new church, and although currently a peaceful, giving, loving place, we know it can change.

" Thank You, Father, for showing us the land of harvest is right here. It is this daily tucking under your wings, so safe in Christ Jesus. Our longings to see fruit in ministry are secondary to this... as are all the cares of this world. This trusting You, will be our struggle over and over, but we pray we will learn it well. Teach us the crucified life, so you will be glorified, as we 'bear about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal body.' In Jesus name, Amen

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." 2 Cor. 4:17

Lord Bless...